Stop Beating Yourself Up for Small Mistakes. — They Don’t Matter.
Holiday Blog Series — #3
Introduction.
I’m sure I’m not alone with this. I say something stupid and it haunts me for the entire rest of the meeting, day, week, month, or sometimes even years.
I was recently traveling when the agent at the gate made an announcement:
“Your flight scheduled for Munich, Austria. Eh, Munich, Switzerland… Munich, Germany is delayed by 15 minutes. We apologize for the delay… And, the confusion.”
I was standing relatively close to her, so close that I could see her face. And, one could tell: she felt really embarrassed for having made the mistake on the announcement.
And, technically, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t care because, in the end, it inspired me to write about it. But, under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t have cared. And, honestly, no other passenger, nor her co-workers, nor anyone else did. But, she did care.
And, I’m pretty sure that it kept on bugging her for quite some time after it had happened.
So, why am I telling you this? Because you need to stop beating yourself up for mistakes that don’t matter.
Don’t get me wrong. I think people need to own their mistakes. And, there are really bad mistakes. And, we all make them. And, we need to own them. But, small things just don’t matter to anyone. But, still, many of us keep beating ourselves up for them.
So, I want to reflect a little bit on small mistakes and offer a different perspective on them. (:
Nobody Cares About Your Small Mistakes and Flaws.
I’m overweight and I know it. I know that, technically, this is not a mistake. But, listen to me as I use this analogy.
So, I’m overweight and I keep beating myself up for it. I try to lose weight. But, losing weight is usually a process that takes time. And, I’m still uncomfortable with my weight right now.
So, I oftentimes try to wear clothes that cover it up in some way or sit in positions that will make my belly appear smaller. I don’t think it really works but it’s an unhealthy habit that I developed over the years.
The interesting thing — if I’m brutally honest with myself — is:
- People see it anyway that I have a few too many pounds. But,
- Nobody really cares about it.
My friends aren’t constantly thinking:
- “Wow, he should really be sitting in a way that hides his belly,”
- “Omg, it seems like he lost weight after changing his clothes,” or
- “He looks fat. I don’t wanna be friends with him anymore.”
It’s just me thinking these things. And, it’s deeply unhealthy because I beat myself up — or more accurately — down.
And, the same goes for mistakes. It’s the same process. Nobody cares about them but you. So, why do you even care?
The “Beating-Yourself-Up” Mindset Leads You Into a Downward Spiral.
There is a real danger to thinking this way.
When you get into the mindset that you’ve done something wrong or that, e.g., you’re too fat to be appreciated, you can fall into a downwards spiral that is demotivating and will hinder you from achieving the things that you care about. You’ll easily start viewing yourself as worth less than you are because you’ll assume people think that WHICH IS NOT THE CASE.
To stay with the weight example: I’m not saying that people don’t notice my weight. And, I’m not saying that the cute person you wanna approach won’t care about your appearance. I’m not saying that being overweight doesn’t matter; I think it does and, if possible, people should invest in losing it for their own health. But, people need to stop beating themselves up for it.
Because, once you start beating yourself up, it’s hard to get into a positive mindset. This is not how your mind works.
You’re not thinking “I’m stupid” and then go solve the big problem you have at hand. When you’re in the “I’m-stupid” mindset, it’ll radiate to all the other things in your life.
So, don’t allow — no, don’t actively make — yourself go there. It’s important that you learn to appreciate yourself and accept things that you do wrong and accept them if they’re small enough.
You Can Transform Small Mistakes Into Happiness.
Going back to the example of the agent at the gate. Rather than ending her sentence with an apology for her mistake, she could’ve also made a little joke. She could’ve acknowledged her mistake in a funny way.
She could’ve said something like:
- “Wait, let me look up where Munich actually is, ahhh, it’s Germany” or
- “Well, I should’ve certainly paid more attention in my geography classes.”
People would’ve laughed and enjoyed themselves. She would’ve turned a small mistake into happiness. And, with that, she would’ve done something that could be considered net positive for everyone rather than making it worse for herself, and only herself.
People appreciate it when others make mistakes and can take it easy. They like it when those people can laugh about themselves, and when they openly acknowledge their small wrong-doings.
At some point, we all grow up and realize that our parents aren’t perfect and that they don’t have all the answers. We realize that everybody makes mistakes. But, we still beat ourselves up for our own mistakes. So, running into someone who actually shares their mistakes and wrong-doings with us and turns them into a positive experience makes us happy because we feel better about ourselves. And, we feel connected to them.
But be careful, don’t drop into self-deprecating humor. This would just be self-deprecation masked in something else. And, it can also be very unhealthy.
Conclusion.
So, I can only encourage you, the next time when you make a small mistake,
- Just take a short breather,
- Look at the people around you that noticed your mistake; look at their faces,
- Reflect on who really cares about it (most likely nobody),
- Turn it into happiness if you can, and
- Allow yourself to let go of it immediately, just like everybody else does.
I know, in your mind and in the moment, it’s not as easy as this five-step plan. I still keep beating myself up for things but over the years, the time I spend dwelling on mistakes has gone down significantly. And, I feel so much better.
And, if I can help you, make yourself feel better about yourself more of the time, then I’ve done my job right. ❤
About the Author.
Teddy Lange is a co-founder at Resonaid and is responsible for business development and customer experience. Before joining Resonaid, he’s been a Sales Rep and Junior Sales Manager, and co-founded various companies. He has just finished his graduate degree in Public Policy with a focus on communication at Harvard University. Feel free to reach out to him at teddy@resonaid.co.
