Spend More Time with the People Who Disagree with You.
Build & Manage a Top-Performing Sales Team — Post #13
Introduction.
Wouldn’t life be wonderful if you thought about something, made a decision, and everything just miraculously worked without any friction?
Well, but there is this thing called reality that often gets in the way. And — even worse — there are those people who make your life harder by disagreeing with you, actively working against your suggestion, or just doing their own thing.
Terrible, right? Well, not quite.
When you were promoted to be a manager, your job changed from being someone who is responsible to do one specific task very well to managing people, tactics, and strategy. You’re not anymore only responsible for getting a work package done. Now, you’ve risen into the ranks of responsible decision-makers who make decisions that directly and indirectly affect others and the strategy and performance of your company.
And, affecting people in a positive way required to include them. And, creating great strategies will also certainly benefit from additional perspectives.
And, to close the loop to the opening statement: you might be surprised how much you can learn from people you disagree with.
Your Perspective on Why People Work Against You Is Most Likely Wrong.
It’s easy (and, unfortunately, human) to think that people who work against us do it cause they’re terrible human beings or because they hate us.
But your assumptions are most likely wrong.
- “Being a Terrible Human Being” Is Subjective: Most people on earth have people who love them and some who hate them. Sure, terrible human beings like horrific dictators exist, but Stacy from the finance team doesn’t bug you with things because she’s a terrible human being. It’s more likely that it’s the workflow she was taught or because you don’t follow up with your stuff because you think that accounting isn’t as important. Well, guess what, accounting is Stacy’s job. So, by thinking that accounting isn’t that important, you’re insulting her. So, no wonder she has little respect for you. To you she’s terrible, to her you’re terrible. It’s all subjective.
- The World Doesn’t Evolve Around You: I know, you’re a sales professional; you’re used to dealing with competition. And, yes, your competition is working against you, kinda at least. But, most of your employees don’t. You’re neither that important nor special nor evil that people want to put their lifetime into destroying you. Get over it that people are most likely not interested in doing you harm. And, if they are, why are you working with them?
People Most Likely Work Against You for a Good Reason.
It’s way more likely that people who work against you have valid reasons to do so, e.g.:
- They Believe You’re Wrong: Well, let’s start with the obvious that is oftentimes overlooked because we just don’t like being wrong. So, they need to be wrong. But, honestly. You might be to them what they are to you. Every conflict has at least two perspectives; otherwise, it’d be an agreement. So rather than pushing against them out of principle just give yourself the chance of doubt. They’re your co-worker. They work for the same amazing company that hired you. The likelihood that they’re plain dumb or evil is very low.
- They Know Something You Don’t: Let’s face it, deep down under our sales manager masks, we all have doubts about ourselves because there’s so much that we don’t know. But, rather than trying to appear all-knowing while certainly not being all-knowing, you could give yourself the opportunity to learn something new.
Chances are that the person that disagrees with you and is a real pain is on your level or a bit higher. So, chances are that this person is smart and earned a lot of experience. Just like you. Otherwise, neither of you would be where you both are.
So, chances are also that this person has certain practical experiences, tangible skills, or formal training that make them work against you.
The Benefits of an Open Mind.
So, having an open mind and actively seeking conversation with the people that disagree with you have various benefits. However, it’s important that these are real conversations, not sessions to persuade them.
- You Can Learn Something New: No matter what the outcome is, the wonderful thing about talking with someone who disagrees with you is that you will learn to view things from a new perspective. And, new perspectives are always valuable.
- You Can Discover that You Were Wrong: Well, obviously. Maybe you were lacking some important piece of information or some perspective. Isn’t it better to know that you were on the wrong path than to continue wasting energy, effort, and resources pursuing it?
- You Can Avoid Mistakes: People strongly disagreeing with you might be a good indicator that you’re on the wrong path. Hearing them out might help you avoid terrible and costly mistakes. There’s nothing to lose but a bit of time.
- You Can Earn Respect: There’s rarely anything more powerful than a top performer admitting that they were wrong; that they considered additional information and changed their mind based on facts and with the help of other experts. Everybody makes mistakes, but only the great minds own them and commit to changing their minds and not making the same mistakes again.
- You Can Make Strong Allies: It doesn’t need to be the case that the other person was right and you were wrong. Maybe you were right. But regardless, just having included their perspective will make you grow from their point of view. You weren’t ignorant, you were inclusive. You considered their perspectives. Oftentimes, the only thing people want is to be heard, not necessarily to be right. If you hear them, they’ll hear you in the future.
How to Practice an Open Mind.
“Okay, I get it, Teddy! But how do actually do it?” Glad you asked! I’m all about transforming learning into action because this is the only way it manifests and leads to personal growth.
- Get the Honest Feedback of Third Parties: Just ask people what they think about the problem. And, ask them to be honest. If they’re afraid because you’re the CEO, make the feedback anonymous. Additional perspectives are good measures to validate or disprove a hypothesis.
- Practice Real Interest and Eagerness to Understand: Oftentimes, it’s only about listening and making sure the other person feels like you’re making a true effort to understand them. So, take the time to ask questions and understand what they mean rather than trying to convince them that you’re right.
- Be Patient: Or, be ready for it to potentially be complicated. I have this all the time with one of my co-founders, Krzysiek. We oftentimes need to repeat the same thing seven times before we finally understand what the other person means. It sounds stupid, but it works. Just understand that understanding different perspectives is a process, not a moment.
- Avoid Defensiveness: There is a difference between being defensive and providing good arguments. Being defensive is to quickly neglect and find reasons against something somebody says. Providing good arguments is based on a sophisticated thought process. So, don’t defend yourself. Make sure that your arguments are on solid ground. And, they can only be after you did the work of trying to include the other person’s perspective.
- Learn from Philosophers and Debaters: Thesis, Anti-Thesis, Synthesis. Rather than stopping at “this is my point of view,” “this is yours,” and “this is why you’re wrong,” put in the effort of trying to figure out if there is a joint truth.
- Take Time Between Conversations: Thinking about things takes time. So, make sure you take it.
Conclusion.
So, the next time, somebody deeply disagrees with you, view it as an opportunity to learn and to find a better solution. Approach them with the mindset of being able to learn from each other. And, you’ll see that oftentimes the issue is not disagreement but misunderstanding.
About the Author.
Teddy Lange is a co-founder at Resonaid and is responsible for business development and customer experience. Before joining Resonaid, he’s been a Sales Rep and Junior Sales Manager, and co-founded various companies. He has just finished his graduate degree in Public Policy with a focus on communication at Harvard University. Feel free to reach out to him at teddy@resonaid.co.
